he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
