My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
