Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
