that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
