I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
