Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
