Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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