where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
