Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
