thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
