grandma shit on top of the toilet
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
