the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
