You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
