Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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