Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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