i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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