i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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