explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
