singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
