I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
that's an acceptable place to lick
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
