my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
