Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
