Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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