32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
