His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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