I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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