Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
