i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
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