I hope mine doesn't look like that
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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