Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
