I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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