i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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