I'm so fucking centered right now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
