gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
