It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
