You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
