some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
