he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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