R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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