Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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