I smell stomach acid.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We need to get me chipped asap
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
