i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
