i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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