When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
