So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
