OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
