Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
