I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I look better un-naked...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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