why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
