Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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