She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
