I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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